The past couple of weeks have been especially challenging ones for me.
Over the course of the past year, Adam and I became deeply aware of the fact that we needed to do some things differently in terms of a spiritual community. This was a particularly difficult decision for us (is it ever easy for anyone?) because we had really striven to "put down roots" so to speak, here at the small church we attended for the past 7 years since moving to this community. After growing up as a sort of "spiritual transient," I had dreams of raising all my kids in the same church, watching them all get baptized in the same place (if they so chose), maybe even married in the same community. But over the course of 2 years prior we had slowly, ever so slowly, come to recognize that, for a variety of reasons, we may be doing ourselves and our children more damage than good by settling too deeply into a community that (as it turned out) relied on the traditions of man more than the leading of the Holy Spirit. Please don't get me wrong. We positively love the people of said church, and wish to lay the blame on no one particular person or circumstance that ultimately led to our decision to back away and "supplement" our spiritual lives with something more in line with how we believe the gospel is to be lived out. It simply was becoming increasingly obvious as our kids grew that it wasn't working with our vision of how we believe we are to raise our children.
However, getting back to my opening sentence - this has placed us in the unenviable position of being "outsiders" of sorts at not one, but two, churches. And frankly, this stinks. But at the same time, I have to admit, this isn't all bad. I think being outsiders has had the very real and very refreshing effect of causing me, at least, to go over my priorities with a fine tooth-comb and sift out the necessary from the frivolous. In addition, it has acutely reminded me of just how it feels to be the "outsiders." To be the ones one the fringes. To be hungry and seeking for a stronger sense of community. To be reminded that it's not okay to ignore the stranger, the visitor, the sojourner. To be exclusive and inward-turned with the love of Jesus that we are commanded to share with the whole world.
I know that with time the dust will settle and we will "find our place" again. And hopefully, I pray, we will be not just wiser, but more compassionate and more outwardly-focused people because of what we have "suffered."
