the friendliest flower

I almost didn't plant any flower planters this year. After all, I already have an abundance of beautiful perennial beds, thanks to the generosity of my mother-in-law, but I had a craving for pansies. They are, in my opinion, truly the friendliest flower I know, and the sight of them in their rainbow of colors never fails to warm my heart. Some of the warmth they instill in me must have something to do with memories of them being pressed in my mom's Bible, and falling out when I would flip through her pages.

So, after wrestling with my 20 gallon barrel planters, I finally succeeded in refilling one with good potting soil, and then filling it with pansies, in every color variation I could find. They are blooming vigorously now, at the end of our sidewalk, and I am almost certain they actually say "hello" whenever I walk by. It has become a daily ritual to go outside in the morning to see all the new blossoms that have opened their smiling faces. Even Kaelin has caught onto this little ritual. She loves to come with and select one or two new ones to pick, which we use to freshen up the cheery pansy bouquet in the kitchen.

I think I may have just started a new tradition. Given the abundance and variation of flowers in other parts of my yard, I think I will give myself permission to skip the yearly crusade to create beautiful combinations of annuals in planters. Insead, I think maybe I will stick to twenty gallons of dirt crowned by bobbing and smiling pansies. I can't think of a friendlier way to say "welcome."

bittersweet thoughts

I was just thinking about my little sister's upcoming birthday, and realized how much maturing she will probably undergo in the next 2 years. She will be 14 next week, and of course, those years in age always catch me off-guard. I still tend to underestimate by a year or two with my three youngest siblings. At any rate, Arianna is the youngest, and for a girl, there is something about the year between 15 and 16 where they really seem to....grow up. For Wesley, it was probably between last year and this that I've seen the greatest change. So, I guess I am giving myself fair warning that I have about one more year of a "little" sister, and then....she'll be a young woman. There is no magical moment we can mark when childhood leaves someone forever. It is really just a series of silent "lasts." The last time we see a certain expression; or see a certain toy played with; or hear a childish expression that is both annoying and endearing. And this will be the last for my set of siblings. Thank God for the new beginnings that follow every good-bye.

quiet pool

from "Come Away My Beloved," by Francis Roberts

Lo, I say unto thee, Wait upon ME. Let thy life be as a deep, quiet pool.
....

Only make unto thyself a place apart; yea, a place removed from the press and turmoil, and there I will meet thee. Yea I wait thy coming.
....

For I know what things ye have need of, and I am concerned about thine every duty and responsibility. But thou wilt find thy cares have vanished and thy load lightened as by an unseen hand. For I will that ye bring Me thy love, and even as thou art bringing to Me thy love, I shall in turn bring to thee My power,
so that I work for thee in a two-fold measure.

For I give unto thee the power to discharge thy duties with greater efficiency, and I also am actively engaged in working for thee in ways thou canst not see, to make thy path clear, and to bring about things which thou thyself couldest never accomplish, and which would otherwise absorb thine energies and wear out thy patience.

So I say unto thee again...Rest in Me. Wait upon Me. Come apart with me. Seek My face. Seek my fellowship.

it really is a good thing.

I went to a friend's wedding today. I met her shortly before her divorce several years ago, after her husband walked away from her and their two very young children. In fact, I sat with her at the park the afternoon her divorce was finalized. I've watched her courage and her faith as she was forced to navigated the unfamiliar and unwanted waters of single-parenthood. Watching her and her new husband take their vows today was a good reminder of the vows Adam and I took. I know the statistics for remarriages aren't good, but for this couple, I have a lot of hope. They both know the damage and trauma of divorce. Both experienced unwanted divorce. Both know how difficult marriage can be, but also how rewarding. They both know that in spite of its hardships, marriage is, after all, a good thing, and a good thing to desire and share in.

There is so much material everywhere these days about what a great marriage is all about, and how to have a great marriage, and how to have great communication and connection in your marriage, etc., that I'm afraid most of us, at one point or another, buy into the lie that marriage can be and should be great, all the time. And yet, I cannot find that promise anywhere in the Bible. That can raise a lot of questions about what God intended for marriage, but the long and short of it is - that God called marriage good. It is hard. Very hard, sometimes. Make that many times. But it is good. It does good things to us and in us. Yes, to all my single friends - it is a great blessing, but it comes at great cost. I still do have, and expect I might always have, days when I wonder just what was I thinking, after all??? Marriage - hurts like crazy sometimes. It also requires great resilience, and if you don't already possess a great capacity for forgiveness, marriage will develop it in you. If you resist, you will become hardened and bitter.

What I have learned to see, and to say, about my marriage, is that it is absolutely wonderful a small part of the time; very, very hard another small part of the time; and just plain old-fashioned good most of the time. And plain old-fashioned good, dear reader, is a very wonderful kind of marriage to have.

words that count

Someone paid me the nicest compliment that I think I've received in a long time, today. They told me that they love our yard - that when they come by our house, that it just says "home" to them. I was so blessed by those words. Our yard is huge, and as much as we love it, it always needs work. The trimming is rarely all complete, much less all the weeding in the gardens. In fact, I've resorted to less weeding and using more Roundup this year, just to get the worst ones under control - which means that the weeds are even uglier, while they are in various stages of dying! But it is home to us, and we use our yard a lot. We are often outside, and the girls are learning how to be little helpers with various outdoor chores. When I heard that statement today, I was reminded once again of how even imperfection can still speak to people, and it even convicted me a little. The one thing that prohibits me from inviting people into our home more often - even though I do it more now than ever - is the fact that imperfections abound! Laundry, toys, remains of snacks, books, papers, and so forth, abound aplenty on most days here. I pick up twice a day, but of course, those times are not during social hours! It is a little intimidating to think of allowing people in to our lives and letting them see how we live. And yet, if the overall atmosphere of our home gives people even a little sense of who Jesus is and ministers even a little of His peace and love to their hearts, then I need to be willing to invite them in.

little by little

I have to give Adam some "brownie points" for being a good sport. For a guy who, traditionally, has been quite a collector, he is learning to take my cleaning streaks in good stride. It helps when I warn him that I'm in a "throwing out the excess" mode. He has gotten pretty good at going through his own stuff before I get to it(because he has learned through experience what will happen if it lays around for too long, collecting dust or just getting in the way). I was starting to feel discouraged again over how fast things pile up over and over again, even after I've gone through the house and thoroughly cleaned. After all, I do go through things pretty regularly. As I was thinking about it today, I was reminded that all of life is the same way. Whether gardening, or cleaning, or the annual mouse invasion in autumn, or dealing with personal sin, or just plain old living and activities - virtually every area of life requires constant vigilance. Weeds, dirt, and just plain old excess are ALWAYS trying to crowd in and choke out the best things in life. Being organized, more than anything, is simply about being diligent about all the little things, over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. At any rate, I think we're making progress. I even sold my little fireplace this time. I love pretty things, but any more, "pretty" must also be "functional" unless it is merely taking up wall space, and even then there has to be a limit. Maybe some day before the end of summer I'll no longer feel like I'm being crowded out of my own home by "stuff." Not that I'm against having things, or even nice things, but good grief....we all have to reach a point where we can say, emphatically, "enough is enough!"

when mom's the bad guy

Rachel has developed a rather creative way of expressing her anger toward me lately. A couple of days ago, she was mad that I had not allowed her to do something (probably watch a movie). A few minutes after our little tit-for-tat, she came up to me and said, "Mommy, I prayed to Jesus and asked Him to turn you into a kitten, so that's what He's going to do." Hmmm! I sat down and explained that I understood that she was angry with me, but did she REALLY want Jesus to turn me into a kitten? I proceeded to tell her all the things she would miss if I was gone - no hugs, no bedtime stories, no favorite treats for snacks, etc. She looked at me and simply said, "But Daddy can do those things." So then I went on to explain that Daddy has to work a lot and is not always here to do the things that Mommy does. It must have sunk in, because last night, she became angry with me again over something. This time, she marched up to me and declared, "I asked Jesus to put you in the garbage can for a little while." Oh, not to laugh sometimes!