From the Outside Looking In

The past couple of weeks have been especially challenging ones for me. 


Over the course of the past year, Adam and I became deeply aware of the fact that we needed to do some things differently in terms of a spiritual community.  This was a particularly difficult decision for us (is it ever easy for anyone?) because we had really striven to "put down roots" so to speak, here at the small church we attended for the past 7 years since moving to this community.  After growing up as a sort of "spiritual transient," I had dreams of raising all my kids in the same church, watching them all get baptized in the same place (if they so chose), maybe even married in the same community.  But over the course of 2 years prior we had slowly, ever so slowly, come to recognize that, for a variety of reasons, we may be doing ourselves and our children more damage than good by settling too deeply into a community that (as it turned out) relied on the traditions of man more than the leading of the Holy Spirit.  Please don't get me wrong.  We positively love the people of said church, and wish to lay the blame on no one particular person or circumstance that ultimately led to our decision to back away and "supplement" our spiritual lives with something more in line with how we believe the gospel is to be lived out.  It simply was becoming increasingly obvious as our kids grew that it wasn't working with our vision of how we believe we are to raise our children.


However, getting back to my opening sentence - this has placed us in the unenviable position of being "outsiders" of sorts at not one, but two, churches.  And frankly, this stinks. But at the same time, I have to admit, this isn't all bad.  I think being outsiders has had the very real and very refreshing effect of causing me, at least, to go over my priorities with a fine tooth-comb and sift out the necessary from the frivolous.  In addition, it has acutely reminded me of just how it feels to be the "outsiders."  To be the ones one the fringes.  To be hungry and seeking for a stronger sense of community.  To be reminded that it's not okay to ignore the stranger, the visitor, the sojourner.  To be exclusive and inward-turned with the love of Jesus that we are commanded to share with the whole world. 


I know that with time the dust will settle and we will "find our place" again.  And hopefully, I pray, we will be not just wiser, but more compassionate and more outwardly-focused people because of what we have "suffered."

 

 

The Kids, September 2014

A Beautiful Thing

It feels an age since I have put any thoughts down..... It is virtually impossible to summarize almost two years of life, overflowing on every side, to a few paragraphs.  The twins are now 2, and so is Luke, currently. The girls are 7 and 8, and are doing well.  I encourage them regularly to grow into my "little women," and though there are times I feel like no one ever, ever listens to me, they are, actually, making progress. We all are. School is usually fun for all of us; lots of poems to memorize and books to read keep the imagination lively with colorful, creative ideas for play, while the structure of math provides a framework of absolute certainty that never changes. 


As I type all this, I am struck - as I momentarily am each day - by the blessed sound of...nothing.  I never tire of that sound - but only because I never get a chance to.  I know someday that will change, but for now - There are days when my mind and soul are literally gasping for quiet like a fish gasps for water. By the time three little heads snuggle down to rest and refuel for another run at life, I am often ready to weep with relief.  It hardly needs said that naps are the saving grace of all mothers of young children, everywhere. 


I ordered my garden seeds today, and new strawberry plants.  We have lived in our home for over 6 years now, and the seasonal routine has begun to take on a predictability that I find comforting.  I am now able, with some degree of confidence, to at least predict the GENERAL ebb and flow of the coming months.  Nothing in life is ever truly predictable, as we all know.  But there is something very centering in being able to look ahead at the calendar months and just know some things about them. For me, this comes from having a garden, and living close to the cycle of the earth and the seasons. For example, I know that I will be busy putting up peas and strawberries sometime the end of June/beginning of July.  And that towards the end of July (and again next January) life will strike a brief lull, and that during those long hot (and then cold) afternoons and evenings, I will actually have time (or at least make time) to brush up on certain subjects by doing a little extra reading.  I know that in February I will order garden seeds, and perhaps start some seedling trays, with more to follow in March.  I know that in early May I will be sneaking outside every chance I get to just BREATHE in the fresh spring air and smell the grass turning green!  I know that May and June are sometimes busy (and expensive) with weddings and graduations and planting; that July is frantic with birthdays. I know that August is a busy pickling month. I know that in September I will be (hopefully) canning tomatoes during every spare moment, and that in early October I will be sick of it all and desperately trying to finish up the last of the canning while anxiously waiting for the apples on our very late-bearing tree to fully ripen before it snows.  And that the minute it is all finally - FINALLY - put away, it is time to start planning for the winter holiday season!


I also know that through it all, everything else in life must go on, as well - learning/school, house renovations/repairs, potty-training, visiting family and friends.  Friday afternoon tea with the girls.  Wednesday afternoon art and music lessons. Planning, preparing, and cleaning up over 1,000 meals per year (snacks not included), and just as many loads of laundry!  Learning to be a better wife, a more patient mother, a more thoughtful friend.


Life, in a nutshell.... is beautiful....and brief.  I stood at my grandmother's graveside not three weeks ago, and was struck again by the fact that she was once young, like I am.  She was once busy in the throes of young motherhood, and ranching,  then on to other exciting adventures and opportunities as that season passed her by.  As I watched her sleep - always she seemed to be sleeping, those last several months of life - I kept thinking, how fitting.  How beautiful.  My grandmother, at 85, was still beautiful to me.  Beautiful because she was, in her sleep, at rest.  Simply, at rest.  When I would watch her peaceful breathing at the nursing home those last few times, I thought - she's just catching up on all her missed rest.  With nothing left to do, she was, finally, resting. Resting for all those days, all those years, when she raced frantically to keep up with life's demands.  Life raced by for her, as it now is for me.  I stood with all ten of my cousins for a picture and thought - how odd.  Our children are all the ages I remember being, so vividly, when we cousins played together as kids.  Life is beautiful.  But oh, how brief. 


But life is most beautiful when we are at rest.  At peace.  Like a little child that sleeps before taking another run at life.  Like a grandmother that sleeps because her life has been run, and there is nothing left, but to rest.

The Best Medicine

Several years ago, I had an "epiphany" moment when I realized that all babies are born knowing how to cry; but they must learn how to laugh.  How true this holds to all of us for all of life!  Frankly, I'm still learning how to laugh.  Some days it is easier than others, I admit, but hey; life with lots of Littles is sometimes so crammed with the unexpected twists and turns that most days I'm caught at least once not knowing if I'm coming or going (I've even had to resort to smelling the laundry I'm carrying to determine if I am Coming or Going from the laundry room a time or two).  People tell me all the time that I must be busy(!) and I tell them that yes, I am, but also having a blast.  Life with three babies is not only intense, it is FUN!  The work load may be three times as much as one baby, but so is the laughter!

That being said, I still have my moments.  Finding milk dumped, spread, finger-swiped, fist-splashed all over the kitchen counter just 5 minutes after I told someone (who remains unnamed) to watch the milk cup........yeah.  Anyway, I do get a huge kick out of watching the three boys, already starting to team up in their Triple Trouble antics.  Like when I found Luke dumping Lincoln Logs all over the floor while the twins watched, fascinated; and then, for the grand finale, he swished his hands wildly through the pile several times, scattering them even further for extra good measure.  This is still mild stuff, of course, considering they are still just 11 and 21 months of age.  Knowing the competitive nature of boys, I can just imagine what lies in store in another year or two when they all three attempt to out-do one another in much greater and more adventurous escapades......my prayer is that I'll still be learning to laugh (even if much later, and behind closed doors)!

"Gone With the Wind"

Naps (for myself)
A Solid Night's Sleep
Discretionary Income
Long, Leisurely Evenings in Which to :
Bath, Perform Manicures, Apply Facemasks, or Any Other   Pampering Activities
Skinny Waist
Going to the Bathroom In Solitary Peace
Showering Without Interruption
Bath Towels That Are Always Hung Up and Left Alone for the Proper Owner to Use
A Bathroom That Remains As Clean and Neat As When I Cleaned It
Being Allowed to Enjoy a Plate of Food Entirely for Myself
Eating Without Getting Up At Least Once to Fetch Something for Someone Else
Going An Entire Day Without Needing to Change Something I'm Wearing At Least Once
Buying Dry-Clean Only Clothes
Being Allowed to Lay Around and Rest When Ill
Being Able to Have a Plan and Stick to It
Having No One to Cook For
Having to Eat Alone
Not Having a Good Laugh for Days On End
Going Home to An Empty House
Not Having Anyone Worry About Where I Am When Running Late
Having to Pass Up Buying Cute Outfits That Are Way, Way Too Small for Me
Wondering If I'll Ever Find Prince Charming
Wondering If Prince Charming Will Still Think I'm Beautiful After Five Babies And No Makeup
Wondering If I'll Have to Grow Old Alone
Moving Every 2-3 Years
Boredom

Seasonal Decorations

Okay, I think it needs to be said.  Out loud.

As I was driving to the church the other day, I noticed a couple of sawhorses set up in someone's driveway with a huge pile of cornstalks laying out to dry.  I can only presume the cornstalks were in preparation for fall decorations, as this particular house has a beautifully kept front yard and flower bed.  As I drove by, it ocurred to me that the only people who have the time, money, and inclination for seasonal decorating en mass, are those who - frankly - have actually very little to do with genuine seasonal activity (i.e. this home doesn't have  - ahem - a farm field, vegetable garden or fruit tree in sight....).

Now, don't get me wrong.  I love seasonal decorations.  I love browsing decorating magazines as much as the next woman, and I can get dreamy about how my house might look if I actually had the time and money that some people obviously have.

However, it has been several years now since I have had the luxury - and yes, it is a luxury - of spending money on objects that are simply meant to represent the beauty, grandeur, or nostalgia of the seasonal changes.  Instead, my house is full of the not-so-beautiful-but-very-practical signs of the seasons as they roll by.  For example - I don't possess a pile of nicely drying cornstalks in my yard this fall.  I DO, however, have a garden that is in various stages of drying as the weather cools.  My cornstalks are drying up where they were planted - standing in the garden in a rather wilted state.  My kitchen is full of boxes of canned foods that I have busy with for over a month now.  Canning supplies are, simply put, everywhere.  Between Luke and myself, they get sprinkled from the kitchen to the front door on a sometimes daily basis. In other words.....fall decorating in real form.  Not pretty, but definitely harvest-themed!

The same could be said for any of the other seasons, as well.  ,It's not that I don't try, at least somewhat, but.............My decorating these days for Thanksgiving and Christmas consists of slapping a wreath on the front door, (maybe) finding a table center-piece, and for all of two weeks in December, hoisting a tree in our dining room.  Otherwise, my seasonal decorations consist of the smells of seasonal foods cooking, simmering, or baking in the kitchen, from spiced cider in freezing December to ham and scalloped potatoes on Resurrection Sunday.  In the winter, I must add, "decorations" also includes snowpants, boots, coats, hats, scarves and mittens strewn from the front to the back door, usually clumped around the furnace vents as they dry.  Spring decorating at my house is now compiled of gardening magazines and rubber boots (my new best friend in the early spring weeks); seed catalogs and gardening gloves, and sometimes a capenter's tape as I scramble to measure yard and garden spaces while dreaming of new floral scapes and vegetable beds. 

Someday, perhaps, I'll have a beautifully decorated home again.  But for now, I decorate as an itsy-bitsy scale farmer; in real-time, real-world, real-seasonal style.  Not something fit for a home decorating magazine features, but definitely fit for a family farm feature.  No more feeling sad or bad or sorry for myself that my house doesn't look Martha Stewart-ish.  Instead, I think I'll head out to the garden and see how orange our giant pumpkin looks.

All In a Night's Work....

It's amazing to me at times to see how life experiences can deepen and expand our perspective concerning different subjects.  I have always been a huge supporter of our Second Amendment.  It often bothers me when people say disparaging things about owning firearms, because to me it shows, very simply, a huge lack of knowledge of U.S. history, and why our founding fathers even gave us the 2nd Amdment in the very first place.  As the old saying goes, those who don't know their history are bound to repeat it. 

Now, I have to admit that my thoughts on this issue have been shaped rather dramatically by the presence, for 3 years, of a neighbor who was not only a schizophrenic, but who also would take to literally stalking my two girls and I every time we stepped out of our house.  If we were anywhere within visual range of his house, and he was aware we were out and about in the yard, he would jump in his car and start circling the block.  Sometimes this just made me mad; other times, it became unnerving.  Eventually, he moved away, but three years of being on high alert, with a husband who frequently worked out of town for 2-3 days on end, was enough to make me appreciate the value of owning firearms for self-defense. 

To top this off, just two weeks ago I was awakened in the night by the sound of our basement door, which opens into the dining room, being rattled against the chair I had wedged under the door-knob (it's a cheap hollow door, so I have been reinforcing it at night).  With five children, three of them babies, in the house, I am a light sleeper.  I have been awakened numerous times over the past seven years; I can almost always place the sound I heard within just a minute or two.  I could be wrong about what took place here a couple of weeks ago, but I don't think so.  The rattling downstairs woke me from a sound sleep through the motors and fans of two air conditioners.  I sat up, turned on my lamp and shut one air conditioner off, and listened intently.  After about 3 minutes, I heard what sounded like a man's voice exclaim something, together with something falling in the basement.  I should add that our basement is currently all dug out.  We are putting in an entirely new foundation and walls, and the basement stairwell is open directly to the outside right now.  I think it was after this second sound that I grabbed my gun.  I sleep with a loaded handgun by my bed when Adam is gone.  Most of the time it is locked up, but when he is working nights, I take it out of the safe and put it in a locked holster in the dresser drawer by the bed.  I grabbed this, and the phone.  After another four minutes of intense listening and prayer, I heard a third noise, and this is when I finally called 911.  While waiting for the sherrifs to arrive at 2:30 a.m., I stayed on the phone with the dispatcher, who commented a couple of times about how calm I was staying.  I refrained from telling him (I didn't want him worrying about the deputies coming to the house) that it is much easier to be calm when you have a loaded gun by your side.  Also, when you are a mom with a house full of children/babies, panicking really isn't an option. 

The deputy sherrif's didn't find anyone when they got to the house, but they did inform me that they had received a call just a few hours earlier about a "suspicious" tansient at the bar just two blocks from our house.  I strongly suspect that whoever was trying to break in thought the house was empty.  Not everyone realizes you can live in a house with the basement dug out like ours is right now.  He was either looking for some small valuables to nab, or a free place to crash for the night.  At any rate, my locked doors were his best friend that night.  Otherwise, he could potentially have been staring at the wrong end of my handgun. 

I sincerely hope I never have to use my gun to defend my children or myself, but I am here to say that I will use it if necessary.  One of the biggest realizations I had to come to grips with after becoming a mom was that just hiding or running isn't an option when you have children.  When Adam is out of the house, keeping them safe is my job as their mother.  Do I believe God has a hand in this as well?  Absolutely.  I believe it was God who gave me the nudge to wake up; who gave the discernment to know what the sounds were that I heard, and who prompted me to call 911.  He is also the one who directed my husband to equip me to defend myself should the need arise, a few years ago when the situation with this other neighbor was becoming unsettling.

And finally, for all the "tree-huggers" who sincerely believe animals should have more rights than  humans when it comes to self-defense, allow me to say this; more gun laws will never stop bad guys from having guns.  Remember the prohibition days?  (Here again - the value of knowing your history helps....)  In owning a gun and being prepared to use one, I would like to point out that I am doing no more and no less than any wild animal would, in readiness to defend her young and her own life.  We have all heard the stories of a wild bear or big cat somewhere attacking a human, only to discover that it was just a mommy defending her young, who were in hiding nearby.  Whenever we hear those stories, we somehow instinctively know that those animals were simply doing their jobs, as moms, and the unfortunate victim should have stayed away.  Of course, the politically correcct media plays this angle up - subtly, but effectively.  Well, I'm here to say that I'm a mommy too, and I'll do whatever it takes to protect my babies, as well, even if - perhaps especially if - it requires the use of firearms.  My advice to you is, to do the same.  And don't surprise me in the middle of the night.

Living a Full Life - And Making it Work!

To those of you who visit my blog once in awhile - I apologize for this post.  I feel like writing today, but I'm not feeling very creative.   I thought I'd write about something very mundane, but that I rely on to make my days work, which is meal planning.  I just finished cooking my deli-style roast beef for Sunday night sandwiches, which is what prompted this topic.

In lieu of menu plans, I have discovered that I/we enjoy a combination of the predictable, mixed up with some alternatives.  I think everyone knows that I make and freeze up to 30 meals at a time.  However, I've learned how make them stretch for 2 or 3 months by scheduling other meals during the week.  For example, Wednesday night is always spaghetti night, and Friday is dinner-and-a-movie family night, during which we usually rotate between pizza and bean dip with chips.  Saturday is generally breakfast-for-supper night, so we pick something special to make that we usually don't take time for in the mornings, like crepes, waffles, quiche, or French toast.  Mealtimes tend to be a never-ending, overwhelming task at times, even for people like me that generally like to cook.  Now, with 3 babies, I've learned that a little bit of planning can go a very long way in keeping me sane.

Having designated meals on designated days really seems to help me break up the overwhelming-ness of the never-ending feeding cycle of a busy household.  There are basically 180 meals in a two-month span, not including snacks, which is a completely different category/subject!  During most of the year, except those 2-3 summer months that are just too hot to cook, we have a basic breakfast rotation that includes cold cereal on Saturday mornings, toast on Sundays, and then puff pancake, baked oatmeal, muffins and eggs, hot cereal, and pancakes during the week.  I keep a fresh-ground, multi-grain pancake mix in the freezer with a recipe card in the bag, so even Rachel can make that breakfast on her own.  In fact, I keep the rest of our breakfast recipe cards taped inside the kitchen cabinet door above the mixer, for convenience. This is a huge help for Rachel, who is now able to make most of our breakfasts on her own, or with Kaelin's help (but only on the mornings that she is running on time with her morning chores!). That little bit of planning takes care of 60 of the 180 meals.

After constantly being frustrated by lunches - they always seem to sneak up on me! -  I learned to keep a list in my daily planner, with our menu, of about 4-5 different types of favorite soups and 4-5 sandwich ideas, that we rotate through each week or two when we are not using leftovers.  That takes care of another 60 meals, so now I have crossed off 120 meals of the 180.  Oh, since Wednesday is spaghetti night (Rachel's favorite food!), we have a mac-and-cheese Monday (lunch) for Kaelin, since that is her favorite meal.  Also, a quick note on Sundays - I don't usually cook on that day!  We generally have leftovers for lunch.  Supper is roast beef sandwiches for now, maybe deli-style turkey breast when I can get one on sale to bake.  I have started making a deli-style roast beef (google for some great recipes!) sometime during the week, and slicing it thin for sandwiches.  I can freeze half and make one small roast stretch for two Sunday suppers.  French dip works great with this, as well as adding mozzarella cheese and onions, or whatever else strikes one's fancy!  The reason for having something super simple for Sunday meals is so that Adam and the girls can swing it on their own when I simply need to have a kitchen strike for a day.

By having  a plan like this, with days/meals that are set, I am left with just 3 days a week where I need to use my frozen meals, making them last two months instead of one.  This allows us to have variety sprinkled with some predictability.  It seems to be a good mix for us where pallette is concerned, and the planning takes boat loads of stress out of my life.  Even the kids know - Wednesday is always spaghetti night, Friday is always pizza or dip night, etc. 

Also, with  the never-ending rising cost of food, I'm learning to plan smarter for grocery trips, as well.  I already use the Internet for most of my shopping, so am able to price compare from the comfort of my chair, since everywhere I shop has a website now.  In addition to using Amazon to "subscribe" to diapers, toilet paper and dishsoap, I also use the Internet for the bulk of our grocery shopping.  One grocery store in Bismarck charges only $5 to shop an entire grocery order, bags it, and brings it to the front door when I drive up.  That's how I get groceries with three babies in tow!  Sam's Club does the same thing for free, and I have learned to create a 6-8 week shopping list of "staples" for Sam's, that is kept on the fridge, that I always order, and other lists of the cheapest places to buy certain items.  I am also learning to use Azure for more things like produce.  It's usually organic, and competes with the regular non-organic prices of the grocery stores around here.  In these ways, I am able to keep my trips to Bismarck to a minimum, and cut down drastically on impulse buying.  I am also able to save several hundred dollars each year by making our bread, yogurt, and laundry soap.  I googled household grocery budgets recently, and was shocked to learn that a typical monthly food budget for a family of 4 was between 6 and 8 hundred dollars - and that is for frugally-minded people.  Whew!

Our three sons

 It's amazing to think that only 14 short months ago, we did not know any of these three little faces!

Luke is NOT impressed with the giant, fake ladybug





Ethan and Elijah, 3 months



Peace - such a beautiful sound!

Ethan and Elijah.  Probably one of my favorite pictures of them during their first few days home.

Guess who's here?!



("Hmmm, I'll take that")



Long Labor of Love

Wow.  I simply can't imagine why anyone would ever choose a c-section over normal, natural delivery of a child.  That being said, I am so thankful that God has allowed, and ordained, that modern medicine is capable of such miracles.  Ethan Michael alnd Elijah John were welcomed into this life by emergency c-section last Monday, while fighting over who would have first rights to the birth canal.  Elijah, the smaller of the two and in a breech position, wanted to come feet first, at the same time that Ethan's head was trying to present.  I can't say much about the experience; the surgery itself was the easy part; trying not pass out while I was stitched back up while my blood pressure bottomed out was a different story, not to mention the entire recovery process.  I have an entirely new appreciation for true hospitalization, especially when surgery is involved.  The boys spent 11 days in the NICU while being closely monitored for respiratory issues, common in preemies.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to recover and rest from my surgery before being fully responsible for not just one, but two! baby boys (who, incidentally, are identical twins).  Even though it was incredibly hard to leave them in the hospital when I was discharged, there was also comfort in knowing they were being watched closely around the clock, which enabled me to sleep better at nights while my body recovered.  The only way I can think to describe the whole ordeal is something like 11 days of labor to bring these babies home.

When None of the Options Seem Great.....

As I sit, or lie down, and sit, and lie down some more....I keep hearing the phrases "50 centimeters," "triplets," "distended uterus," "irregular contractions," "deliver in the operating room," etc., etc. On the bright side, the babies still look great, and a normal delivery is still a possibility -- though the longer we wait, the less likely. My doctor said yesterday that the last time she measured someone at 50 centimeters, they were carrying triplets. Also, I learned that twins/multiples are ALWAYS delivered in the operating room, something I was completely unaware of. Labor can still be done in the birthing rooms, but as a safety precaution, they move the moms to the OR right before delivery and have the anesthesiologist in the room, just in case something goes wrong. The more distressing news for me is just in knowing that at this point, labor is more likely to be irregular and possibly prolonged, just because the uterus can not work as effeciently when it is so distended. Add to that is the issue of anesthesia; if there is no epidural in place (which I have never used before, and have no desire to now if trying to labor naturally), then IF an emergency c-section is deemed necessary, usually with the second baby, then general anesthesia has to be used, and I would be completely unconscious for quite a while. In that case, a scheduled c-section sounds better to me, because at least I would be awake and aware, even if not fully alert for a short time. At any rate, it is a lot to process and pray through, when none of the options sound very great. At this point, I am thinking that we are going to probably try something for next Friday. I am uncomfortable with letting things go much further. If we try to wait much longer, I may not be able to move at all, and if I decide to try for a regular delivery, that is important. In addition, the longer I wait, the greater the likelihood of an emergency c-section with whatever dr. is on call. I know my own doctor, and I trust her judgement, not to mention the fact that she knows me and what my preferences are. She'll work with me in whatever way I choose, until she feels she has to step in.

Quiet Pool

from "Come Away My Beloved," by Francis Roberts

Lo, I say unto thee, Wait upon ME. Let thy life be as a deep, quiet pool.
....

Only make unto thyself a place apart; yea, a place removed from the press and turmoil, and there I will meet thee. Yea I wait thy coming.
....

For I know what things ye have need of, and I am concerned about thine every duty and responsibility. But thou wilt find thy cares have vanished and thy load lightened as by an unseen hand. For I will that ye bring Me thy love, and even as thou art bringing to Me thy love, I shall in turn bring to thee My power,
so that I work for thee in a two-fold measure.

For I give unto thee the power to discharge thy duties with greater efficiency, and I also am actively engaged in working for thee in ways thou canst not see, to make thy path clear, and to bring about things which thou thyself couldest never accomplish, and which would otherwise absorb thine energies and wear out thy patience.

So I say unto thee again...Rest in Me. Wait upon Me. Come apart with me. Seek My face. Seek my fellowship.

The Blessings of Fellowship - and Babies!

Okay, to those of you who have found my blog and have actually been gracious enough to leave a comment or two.....I have finally found YOU! I think after the first year or two of blogging, I gave up on seeing if there were ever any comments, so I do apologize if you felt ignored (which, truth be told, I haven't spent much time on my blog this winter yet). At any rate, it is such a blessing to find a connection and some like-mindedness with other women in this world!

On another note; I had another OB appointment today, and the twins are getting big already - 4.09 and 5.10 lbs, and we are only at 33 weeks gestationally. My doctor says that is pretty huge for this stage, but we are learning not to be surprised at this. My body seems to thrive on growing big babies, though sometimes I wish that were not so! The bright side of it is - I have always had very good, easy babies who do well at nights right from the start, and I personally think this has something to do with their size and development. I hope the same holds true for these twins, even though individually they will be smaller than the others. On the not-so-bright side, the twins have sort of switched places. The head-down baby had been presenting first, in which case my doctor said she has no problem going ahead with a vaginal delivery, but sometime in the last week or two, the breech baby moved into front/presenting position, which would make a vaginal delivery out of the question. We will be watching this for the next two weeks, to see if they switch back. Please pray for God's will to do be done in this situation, and for my peace of mind, whichever way it goes. I have mixed feelings about a c-section, of course, and even about labor and delivery again so soon (who doesn't, right?), but of all the things I would miss the most if I had to have a c-section, are those wonderful first moments and hour right after their birth. To be fully alert and present of mind - and body!- when I meet those tiny little people is worth the agony in getting there. I would regret/miss that the most if I had to have a ceserean.

Goodbye 2011

It is amazing sometimes to reflect on how life has changed, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but always - change. I was just looking at the pictures on my blog page, and realized how little of what used to be still looks the same. My sweet little girls are growing up so fast - and losing their innocent sweetness at the same time, I might add. Those attitudes develop so quickly once they realize they are their own little person, and trying to "train them up in rightousness" is far more than just a full-time job. It can tax a mom's (and a dad's) soul to the very core on so many days. Being vigilant is hard to do when there is so much to divert one's attention and energy - and just in the way of regular chores, not to mention hobbies (who has time for those anymore, right?)!

I was also looking at all the pictures of my canaries - now all gone - and find it hard to believe that I ever had room for them and their cages in the first place. With going from two children to five children within the space of 12 months, I am learning quickly what we can do without, and of course, the birds had to go. I need the space for babies, not pets!

I am finding more and more that I need frequent "refreshers" for my vision as a mom, not to mention wife. Most days I am in survival mode only, and that never bodes well for how I handle all the kids' issues, arguments, and attitudes. It takes more strength and discipline than I ever realized to navigate each day with an actual plan and peaceful, positive attitude, rather than just be pulled along by whatever happens. I have absolutely no idea how I am going to survive, much less thrive, spiritually and emotionally, over the next year, but I want so much to do better than just coast along in survival mode. That, frankly, is going to take a miracle.

More Potatoes

So, will someone tell me why making scalloped potatoes from scratch has suddenly become such a dreaded chore? Maybe it's because the boxed kind are just too easy. I made some scalloped potatoes from scratch last week, and 1) couldn't believe how easy they were, given the impression I had, and 2) thought they were DELICIOUS. Granted, I didn't peel the potatoes. Anyway, I plan to make them again soon!

Cooking with Julia Child

I love my Julia Child cookbook, The Art of French Cooking. I also love watching her old shows on YouTube. The thing is, following her tips really does make a difference - sometimes a huge difference! Her recipes for ham, casserole-roasted chicken, and just today chicken stock, are wonderful. Here's the thing for chicken stock - you really do have to take the scum off! She calls is blanching the meat (boiling for five minutes, then rinsing thoroughly and starting over), and does it ever make a difference. I also like her herb bouquets, and for the stock she uses whole vegetables, including a whole onion, not chopped. At any rate, it is undoubedtly the best chicken stock I've ever made. I also learned that the basic difference between boiling potatoes and baking potatoes is the thickness of skin. Imagine that! Not to mention, baking potatoes will stick to themselves if sliced and cooked in a dish like scalloped potatoes, so that is when using boiling potatoes is important. Well, that's all for today. :-)

An August Afternoon

We had a lovely afternoon today, perfectly fitting for a Sunday. I was able to get the house picked up before the kids were up this morning, so that was taken care of - otherwise, if it's a mess, I can't seem to relax on Sunday. Adam had the wonderful idea yesterday of making "pizza sandwiches," because he had stumbled across his sandwich cookers, or whatever they are called. So, when we got home from church, he built a fire outside, and we took out a tray of buttered bread, leftover spaghetti sauce, pepperoni, and grated cheese, and he cooked all our sandwiches over the fire. Yum! It was a perfect afternoon to be outside. We had watermelon and s'mores for dessert, and slush for drink, so it was a real treat all around. Afterward, Luke, Adam and I took naps, and the girls played quietly. It was, truly, a restful day - and much needed. Now, the girls are begging for supper and I'm not even hungry. I guess I'll go make nacho chips w/ melted cheese for supper. Keeping life simple, especially since Adam has already left for work.